Chapter 11

Chapter 11

“Are you popular at your college too, Mr. Jaemin?”

“Hm? Me?”

It felt like we were officially going to pause the lesson for a moment to properly get into some chatter. Jaemin put down his pencil and leaned back in his chair as if to signal that we should take a break.

“College is huge, so unless you’re a celebrity or something, it’s hard to stand out. And since when was I popular?”

“Well, as far as I know, you were, back in high school.”

I wondered if Jaemin didn’t talk about his deep personal thoughts or feelings because he didn’t know himself that well.

His objection came with a hearty laugh as if I were joking. “Haha! No way. You say the strangest things sometimes, you know that, Daon? You didn’t even know who I was when we first met at the convenience store.”

Realizing that he wasn’t trying to be humble and was being sincere, I let the subject drop. Jaemin lightly pulled his chair closer to the desk as if to gear back up for the lesson. But then…

“Although…” As he clicked his mechanical pencil, he proceeded to say, “I did know you already, Daon.”

“What? How…?”

My eyebrows shot up at the unexpected confession. But before I could finish speaking, our real first meeting flashed through my mind: the awkward predicament I’d found myself in in the bathroom and the way he’d, surely unintentionally, rescued me from it.

“Ah…”

I guess he remembers that day…

I felt the back of my neck get hot.

“Can’t wait for you to graduate, Daon,” he whispered with a grin that suggested he was thinking back to that ridiculous bathroom situation. Then, his eyes lit up with a kind of anticipation. “When you get to college, we’ll have lots of fun,” he added with a tender voice.

“Sure. Sounds good,” I barely managed to answer with my somewhat sunken voice.

In my senior year, I had to continue working my part-time job, but thanks to tutoring sessions with Jaemin, I was able to stay near the top of the class. I even managed to score in the highest percentile on the notoriously hellish college entrance exams and got accepted into the same university Jaemin was attending.

While everyone was thrilled about their newfound freedom in college, I found myself more on edge as I tried to adapt to a new environment. But just as Jaemin had promised, he made sure to look out for me whenever he had a chance to help me settle into college life. And the more time we spent together, the more certain I became about my suspicions… that he didn’t understand himself that well.

He was always surrounded by people wherever he went. Just like in high school, he was the center of attention. Everyone trusted him, admired him, and liked him. Tonight’s drinking party was no exception.

“I heard you’re from the same high school as Jaemin. Were you in the same club too?”

On Jaemin’s recommendation, I’d joined a gathering led mostly by upperclassmen. He said it would help with coursework. Now I was at an after-party for that very gathering. I accepted drinks, chimed in on the conversation here and there, and was blending in pretty well when someone suddenly called Jaemin over. He left me, alone and awkward. One upperclassman from across the room seemed to notice and had immediately approached me.

“Oh, no,” I answered. “Jaemin-hyung was my private tutor.”

I turned up the enthusiasm and volume in my voice to hopefully pierce through all the commotion. Suddenly, the noise around us started to soften, and I could sense Jaemin glance toward me from the conversation he was having. The upperclassman I was talking to looked very surprised.

“What? Tutor?”

“Yes… For two years…” Feeling self-conscious, I answered with much less volume this time.

“Ehhh?!”

I heard astonished gasps from around me. It seemed everyone was listening to our conversation. Jaemin was standing there with a stiff smile on his face, like he was on trial.

Sensing that maybe this was supposed to be some sort of secret, I quickly began mumbling my way into an explanation. “Er, maybe we didn’t quite reach the full two years… I mean, he tutored me the most toward the end of my senior year, but before then…”

“Hey, Jaemin, you said you’d never tutor!”

“Seriously. You turned down every referral we gave you. You said you ‘had too much on your plate.’”

“What the heck? You didn’t even tell us.”

Everyone began throwing jeers at him. It was impossible to stop it now.

And that’s how I discovered something new. Not only had he kept it a secret from his friends that he was tutoring me, but he had also lied to me when he said he was tutoring one or two other students at the time.

“I thought you might feel pressured…” Jaemin whispered to me. He was nodding, taking every jeer and criticism on the chin. I looked at him, bewildered, and he even added a little “Sorry…” before placing his hands over his face, which had turned completely red—a rare occurrence.

“Finally! We got our hands on Jaemin Shin’s weakness!” The other upperclassmen sounded thrilled.

Is tutoring in secret a weakness? I wondered.

“Penalty drink! If not, we’re gonna make your precious little lamb here drink it!”

The bottle was suddenly aimed at my glass.

“Fine. Give it here,” Jaemin said.

Dropping his hand from his face, Jaemin begrudgingly slid his glass under the bottle. It was filled to the brim with beer and soju. With a slight furrow of the brow, he raised the glass and chugged it in one go.

“Whooooo!” Cheers exploded around us.

It was so loud it made my ears ring.

“Could I get some cold water? Actually, I’ll take the whole pitcher.”

The party was in full swing. The drunken laughter and chatter were so loud that I figured my voice would barely be heard through the commotion, so I got up to fetch a pitcher of water from the kitchen myself—as the youngest should do anyway.

On my way back, I ran into Gyuchul, another upperclassman, who happened to be stumbling his way out of the bathroom.

“Are you all right, hyung?”

We’d met for the first time at the last party, which had also been arranged by Jaemin, but our seats were so far apart tonight that this was the first time we were able to talk. He waved his hand as if to say, I’m fine, I’m fine, then gestured with his chin toward the table.

“Hey, thanks to you, I’m seeing him in a way I’ve never seen him before.”

I turned to look in the direction he was gesturing and saw Jaemin surrounded by people, continuing to throw back shots. Jaemin’s eyes were glazed over a bit.

Gyuchul chuckled in amusement but also expressed his slight concern. “Hopefully he doesn’t pass out or anything…”

After staring in a daze, I snapped back to my senses and said, “Oh, I’ll be sure to get Jaemin-hyung home safely.”

Gyuchul looked surprised, but quickly understood. “Oh, he was your tutor. Right. I guess you must have gone to his place for that.”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“All right, then. You stay sharp and pace yourself. You had it rough last time, didn’t you?”

He offered a piece of friendly advice that also doubled as a belated check-in for the last soirée as we started to make our way back. But I was already maneuvering my way through this drinking party, dodging shots here and there, so I couldn’t help but smile awkwardly as my words trailed off.

“I actually didn’t have much to drink that night either…”

“But you were there until really late. Were you able to get home all right at that hour?” he asked.

“Oh, I ended up crashing at Jaemin-hyung’s place.”

“What?!”

Gyuchul came to an immediate halt and raised his voice. Jaemin was sitting a ways from us, but even he glanced our way amid the commotion. Gyuchul glanced over at Jaemin in such disbelief, it was like he’d sobered up in an instant.

“At Jaemin Shin’s place? Jaemin Shin, that guy over there, let you crash at his place?”

“Yes… I stayed over sometimes back when he was tutoring me, so…” I trailed off, wondering if I’d once again said something I wasn’t supposed to.

Gyuchul’s jaw dropped, as if he’d just witnessed an incredibly devastating betrayal.

“Wow, what a jerk! We would beg him to let us crash for a night. I mean, not even a night! We would beg him to let us stay until the subway started running again, but he never did. He was so damn strict about it!”

Afraid I might unintentionally spill another secret, I didn’t say anything. Sensing my caution, Gyuchul stopped complaining, bitterly clicked his tongue, and patted the back of my head as if to tell me it was okay.

“He must really cherish you. Maybe because you were his first student,” he mumbled to himself as he made his way back to his seat.

I lingered a moment longer.

Jaemin had turned toward someone else who had started a conversation with him. His friendliness and kindness did not discriminate, and that’s why everyone loved him. That was also why I tried not to mistake his goodwill for something more. But hearing a third party say that, as his “first student,” I’d received a bit of special treatment, undeniably stirred the hopes and desires I’d kept suppressed deep down inside of me.

The condensation from the pitcher of cold water left both of my hands wet.