Chapter 359

Chapter 359

“Nice scenery…”

“I-I see cows over there!” Ahyeon said.

All of the members were plastered against the windows, commenting on the idyllic scenery that was passing by outside. We were in a typical tourist bus, headed for the countryside. The bus was packed with cameras, of course. Even the bus ride would be featured in the show, and so we had to make the most of it.

“Wow! There’s even a karaoke machine in here!” Big Sejin said.

“I haven’t seen one of those in a long time,” Chungwoo said.

“I want to sing! Give me the mic!” Eugene said.

“Okay! How about a game to see who can get the highest score?” Big Sejin suggested, taking up the karaoke microphone and getting ready to stir up some excitement.

He almost seemed desperate to try and get some variety show vibes going. I understood where he was coming from. He probably couldn’t bear this relaxing and peaceful mood any longer, the promise of a single passable clip nowhere in sight.

“Now, now! Our main vocalist needs to sing us a song!” he said.

You’re working very hard today, huh?

“Give it here,” I said.

“Yeah!”

I chose a song that had been popular about ten years ago and sang with as much excitement as I could muster, all the while wondering what the best thing to do in this situation was. I was just as desperate as Big Sejin.

There is a possibility, of course, that we might arrive and find that we’re supposed to get on a fishing boat… Production Team, please just return to your old ways.

“The blue sea, the cool breeze!” I sang.

“Wow! Yeah, man!”

Please just continue trying to f*ck us over like all the other times!

But when we arrived, we were greeted by a cozy and warm looking rural farm. We stared silently. The house had a blue roof, a porch running along the outside, and clearly got plenty of sun. It was like it had come straight out of a painting. The members grew excited.

“Wow!” Eugene said.

“This house looks so cozy!” Raebin said.

Well… Looks can be deceiving. Yes. It’s the interior that matters.

We went inside.

“The floor here… It’s warm,” Bae Sejin said.

“It looks so lived in, and it makes this place feel so much more heartwarming,” Raebin said.

“You’re right!” Ahyeon said.

Equipped with heated floors, the rooms were neatly organized and contained cabinets inlaid with mother-of-pearl, white porcelain, a colorful vintage can of candy, and even some interestingly-shaped rocks.

“Did you notice the fridge?” Chungwoo said.

“Yes… I noticed it’s pretty full,” I replied.

The kitchen was stocked with various sauces, rice, and side dishes. The sun shone through the window, making the air feel warm and refreshing. I swallowed.

It’s even nicer inside. The place seemed to be the perfect place for someone who had retired to the countryside, containing everything they could possibly want.

What’s gotten into the person in charge of art? Why had they made our accommodations so nice if they had named the show The House Next Door’s Grandson? Inexplicably, they had dared to go ahead with no trickery of any kind this time. This was treachery of the highest degree.

“Wow! This is just amazing! How is it possible that this place is so nice?” Big Sejin had read the room and quickly adapted, reacting like he was a guest at a housewarming party.

He’s certainly trying his best.

The director spoke to us. “Everyone, this stuff belongs to the owners of the house, so we need to keep everything pristine!”

“Right!”

Why do you look so proud of yourself?

Wondering if there was something I’d missed, I asked, “Is there anything we have to pay off, or…”

“Oh no! Of course not! We paid the rent! You won’t have to pay a single won!”

Well, we sure are grateful. We really are f*cked, aren’t we?

Moments later, we were asked to gather on the porch outside, so we finished up and headed out.

“TeSTAR—or grandchildren as we will refer to you on this show—please sit here!”

“Okay!”

We were given a quick briefing regarding the content of the show. It was very similar to what we’d heard during the meeting. We were to live here on the farm, help the elderly with some of the work and make food for ourselves.

This is no fun at all… I would have preferred it if we were about to engage in some intense volunteer work. As things stood, we were about to be treated like royalty, resulting in a boring show.

The production team was not done explaining yet.

“And next, let me explain how you will be compensated!”

There was a table on the porch, and on it was a goodie bag.

Chungwoo picked it up.

“What’s this? Wow!” Big Sejin said.

“Interesting… Bottle caps?” Chungwoo said.

Inside were handfuls of glittering circular objects with engraved patterns on them.

“You will only be able to use this currency during your stay. You will be able to earn more by doing a variety of different jobs!” the director said, pointing at the bag. “These are what we call carrot coins!”

“Wow!”

Okay, that seems to have slightly dodgy cryptocurrency connotations. But the toy-like coins, made of pressed flat bottle caps, were enough to make the members’ eyes gleam.

“Why are they called that?” Eugene asked.

“Each coin is worth an actual carrot!” someone on the production team said.

“Haha!”

It was an utterly absurd concept, but we all reacted like it was a great joke.

“Okay! So carrots!” Big Sejin said.

“That’s interesting!”

“We’ll have to manage our money together!” Chungwoo said.

I finally nodded to myself.

Of course. This production team was way too unhinged to let us simply have a relaxing time on the farm, wanting for nothing.

No doubt they’ll get up to some shenanigans with the coins. I was sure that they had arranged for us to get into debt, which would then snowball, or created a situation in which we would find ourselves running out of coins very early on.

In order to make the biggest impact, then… We would have to start by using as many coins as possible. My brain was finally back in working order, it seemed.

Motivated, I began by saying, “Why don’t we start with grocery shopping so we can eat?”

“Sounds good,” Chungwoo said.

“I’ll write up a list of what we need to buy!”

First of all, I needed us to be shocked by the price of everything.

As we entered the supermarket, I took one of the coins that Chungwoo had given me and asked the production team gravely, “Are you lending us these?”

However, they replied firmly, “No. Those coins are yours. It’s your starting money!”

“Right…”

They didn’t seem to be lying.

Hmm. I suppose it might really be true. Perhaps they were going to make prices so high that we would not have enough coins, even though we had started with free ones.

We began to shop.

“How much for this?”

Towels were essential. In most cases, it’s items like these that are marked up to no end—

“Oh, you must be the boys who… In any case, that is worth two coins! That’s all I ask!”

“Thank you. We’ll take some.”

“…?”

Wait a second.

“I want some of that!” Eugene said.

“Eugene, you want some dalgona? Okay! Ma’am, how much for this?” Big Sejin asked.

“My, aren’t you boys handsome? You look amazing!” the woman said.

“Thank you very much! You look lovely as well!” Big Sejin said.

“Yeah? In that case, I will give you seven of these for one coin!”

“Incredible! Thank you!”

“…?”

Everything was dirt cheap.

They are basically giving us everything for free. What in the world? I nearly dropped the dalgona that Big Sejin handed me.

Then I immediately turned to the production team and said, “Everything seems so… cheap.”

“It looks like the people who live here are very generous!”

You must mean that the residents are deciding their own prices. Of course they were being generous, since this wasn’t even real money, and there were cameras everywhere!

Have they lost their touch? What were they thinking, coming up with this completely meaningless system?

“Why don’t we head inside and make some food?” Big Sejin said.

“M-Moondae, would you like me to help this time? I can help cook the meat, at least…” Ahyeon said.

“Yes, that sounds good,” I said.

The prices are so low as to be almost free, the work is easy, the accommodations are nice, and there are no problems for us to solve. I came to an overall conclusion.

Okay. This show isn’t getting anywhere. We were idols that were insanely successful already. Who would want to see people like us relaxing on a farm? The fans might want such a thing, of course, but the least the production team could do was set up some kind of hook that would ensure things stayed interesting.

There are zero ups and downs here. It was utterly bland TV, and at this rate, the show would not elicit any sort of emotional reaction from the viewers. In other words, it was about as boring as a TV show could get. It would have been better for us to go somewhere amazing and flex our wealth or something, rather than this. Whatever they were going for, it wasn’t any good.

This is driving me nuts. I shoved a piece of dalgona in my mouth and repressed the urge to groan. Naturally, I had made many attempts to add a twist to the show before we left for the farm. I would have been good with anything, from a tough farming boot camp to a horror special—as long as it was something that was exciting to watch. My attempts had been shockingly unsuccessful.

“Oh, I don’t think… we can do that.”

“No, that’s not going to work.”

My suggestions had all been promptly rejected. The production team smoothly stymied all attempts to change things up, saying they had already talked things out with the agency.

They’re certainly very capable of talking their way out of a situation. Why are they doubling down on this boring content? The show they’d created right before this one had been a quiz show about pulling pranks on actors. Why were they doing this to us? I smacked my lips bitterly.

Maybe we’re too successful. Maybe they were now afraid that if they made us do anything unpleasant, the fans would be angry at them. The thing was, I could fully understand if that was the case. It left a bitter taste in my mouth. Who knew dalgona could taste bitter?

“Wow, Moondae! Check this out. They have eel!” Big Sejin said.

“One second.”

I decided to find myself some work to do for now. In the current situation, the least I could do was bolster my reputation as a peaceful workaholic.

If there is no work to be done, I’ll make work.

As a result, I incorporated all sorts of unnecessary steps and made sweet-and-sour pork for dinner, which turned out amazing. I hoped the show could be considered a mukbang, at least. Please.

***

My futile attempts to generate interesting content continued, but nothing seemed to be panning out. Things were proceeding in a shockingly peaceful manner.

This show is a dud. We did get something a little fun after dinner on the first day. The members had visited a house nearby and brought something back.

“Tada!”

“Wow…”

Chungwoo grinned as he placed a white dog with a black nose down on the porch. It began scampering about energetically and barking. I nearly reached out for it, only to catch myself in the act. It was very small, and easy to pick up with one’s hands.

“We met the camera director’s grandmother, and apparently this is one of the puppies of the dog that lives here.”

“It kept following us, so we decided to bring it with us!” Eugene said.

“His name is Munggye.”

The puppy barked, squirming as it squeezed in between me and Bae Sejin.

Bae Sejin turned red. “C-can I hold it?” he asked.

“Here. You can lift him by holding him on his sides, like this,” I said.

I stared at the puppy’s face. If anything, it looked rather idiotic, its tail wagging at high speed.

This… might actually be all right. People liked dogs. It seemed that this one didn’t even have an easily established breed, which would prevent any unnecessary controversy from erupting.

Hmm. All right. Feeling glad to have the puppy here, I nodded mentally to myself.

“Since this puppy has joined us here, he’ll need a stage name! How about Moon Puppy?” Big Sejin said.

“Hey!”

Purposefully reacting indignantly to this suggestion, I raced across the yard after Big Sejin, the puppy hot on our tail.

“Haha!”

I got the feeling that our mucking around wasn’t funny enough to elicit laughter, but the members and the staff all laughed regardless.

Perhaps this won’t be so bad. The puppy slept with us on the warm floor.

After that, we were given various small tasks to perform, like harvesting potatoes, watering crops, feeding ducks, and giving residents massages. Currently, we were in the process of delivering some food supplies.

“Hup!”

“Looks like we’re almost done.”

We were making deliveries all over, including some farmhouses that were a little farther away than most places in the small town. Walking along rural pathways with a puppy loping around underfoot was the perfect mindless activity.

After we were done, we headed back.

“Why don’t we stop to rest over there?” Chungwoo said.

“Good call!” Raebin said.

Since there were no restrictions laid out by the show, we could do whatever we liked. This was why we were able to stop our cart, which was attached to a bike, and gather under a pavilion to rest right before sunset.

“I want to lie down,” Big Sejin said.

“Me too!” Eugene said.

We were able to just lie down if we so desired.

Of all the things… I went along with the group and lay down as well, but I had no idea how any of this would actually be used in the show.

Ahyeon, who lay beside me, muttered, “Th-this isn’t so bad.”

I listened.

“It’s been a long time… since we spent time like this… Not worrying about anything.”

“Yeah.”

We really had worked ourselves to the bone in the past few years. In this line of work, if you slowed down, you fell down.

We even plan out our break times to be as efficient as possible. It was little wonder that it had been so long since the last time we’d done something like this—simply relaxing with no goal in mind.

“One per person. No more,” Bae Sejin said.

“Ugh…” Eugene said.

Bae Sejin had just returned from the supermarket carrying a bag of popsicles. They tasted fruity.

The grass around us swayed in the wind.

“It smells nice out here.”

“Yeah.”

It was so quiet. As I lay there, I realized that I was actually feeling pretty relaxed. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all.

Is this why variety shows about relaxing keep on being made? I realize that they must be popular if there was such a steady supply of them being made. Maybe there was demand for such low-stakes content.

It sure is a far cry from our intense struggle to get the best record possible. I tilted my head slightly and thought to myself, Maybe I’ll just let things be for now.

We could enjoy filming the show, taking the opportunity to not worry about anything much. It would probably not impact my current mission. Perhaps I could trust the editing skills of the production team this time and let them handle things.

Maybe I’ve only ever aimed for content that’s overly sensational since my first appearance on a variety show was Idol Inc. Maybe I’d been missing out. I slowly savored the sweet ice cream and rested my head on the floor. It was nice, the way the small pavilion felt so crowded as we all lay on the floor crammed inside it.

***

Two peaceful days passed. The members and I had adjusted to our uneventful farm life.

“Hello, everyone!”

“Hi!”

The production team, who dutifully appeared every morning, was calling out to us again.

I guess they’re going to give us some small jobs to do, as usual. They were doing something different this time, however, before the briefing.

“Guys, how about a brief mini-game?”

“A mini-game?”

“Yes. There was a small incident this morning. Let’s decide what happened there through a mini-game!”

“Wow!”

Mini-games were simple games played with the production team. We had already played a few, and when we’d won, we were given snacks, fireworks, and such things. Everyone complied easily.

“Wow! The puppy never seems to leave your side, Moondae,” Big Sejin said.

“Haha! I guess he feels a connection to Moon Puppy,” Chungwoo said.

“Chungwoo…” I said.

Not you too, Ryu Chungwoo. I played the game serenely, more focused on petting the pup, and I lost.

“Oh,” I said.

“Well, it happens,” Chungwoo said.

“It’s okay! Let’s do more work!” Eugene said.

Nobody seemed too concerned, and everyone was laughing and encouraging each other.

“Now then, let’s find out what penalty losing will incur!” someone on the production team said.

“Okay!”

The penalty slips that we’d been met with before had featured things like “help out the residents once” or “buy corn.” Only two penalty slips remained.

“Raebin? Why don’t you do the honors?” Chungwoo said.

“Okay!”

Raebin eagerly pulled out one of the two remaining slips. Then he froze.

“…?”

“Raebin?”

“What’s the matter?”

“Read it, please, Raebin!” a staff member called out.

With a wavering gaze, Raebin said, “There was a thief in the night… and they took all of TeSTAR’s precious carrot coins…?”

“…!”

Wait, what?