Chapter 352

Chapter 352

The festival was over. The internet was flooded with various reviews and photos of TeSTAR’s appearance. The student’s reactions also filled the college community site as well.

- Did he really sing the fight song and get the crowd to sing along? Moondae needs to be given honorary alumni status

└ LMAO

- Hey they sang three encore songs. I have it from a reputable source that the manager was ready to cry backstage

- Talk about earning their performance fee… I’m very happy with their business ethics

Praise after praise filled the internet. Fancams were uploaded, and comments were left.

- Their live singing is out of this world. I didn’t know that was possible

- They should do a water bomb event… This is most definitely not a selfish request

- I hope there are a lot of fancams of the newest song. Seeing them perform it live makes me so emotional T_T

They want more? This was not something I could guarantee, since I wasn’t even sure if tomorrow’s schedule was going to go ahead. Scrolling down the screen, I found a video of me singing the fight song on the fly, the hand microphone in hand.

- This video screams “This is what it means to be a true idol”

- He was so on top of it

On top of that? I had only been able to do it because I had prior knowledge. I did not deserve credit for this. Park Moondae was the sort of person who utilized information for his own gains, and never spoke a peep about it afterward. It wasn’t that I excelled at reacting swiftly under pressure.

If I had really been that sort of guy, I would have said something different in response to Seon Ahyeon’s breakdown, instead of repeating the same word over and over again like I couldn’t even speak my mother tongue properly, while standing there stupidly until the others dragged me and him from the bathroom.

“I-I’m sorry…”

“No. No.”

If I had done otherwise at that moment… Stop. I need to stop with the useless what-ifs. I would move on to the next situation and continue thinking on my feet. I only barely remembered returning to my room. Had Ahyeon gone back to his?

Probably. They hadn’t taken him outside. That had to mean he was still in the dorm, and that he’d managed to calm down. I pressed both hands against my face. My brain felt like it had frozen up entirely, and it refused to function.

Think. It’s the only thing you know how to do. Don’t shirk your duty. Find out why things happened the way they did—but no. That’s not the right way to put it. Why the f*ck did you cause such an unpleasant situation? I gritted my teeth. If I were to ask myself where my stupidity had begun, I had to go back to the beginning, of course.

I should not have told him in the first place. How could I have thought that was a sane thing to do? If I had guessed that telling him would mean he would see me as unhinged, I should have kept my mouth shut. What had I been thinking, saying all those unrealistic things out loud? Because the others had believed me?

A single case that I then generalized, being the idiot that I am. In the case of Chungwoo and Big Sejin, I was found out and forced to explain. I should have been relieved that it worked out and simply moved on.

Why did I explain the details to someone who had no idea what was going on? Objectively speaking, was there any good reason for Ahyeon to accept all that nonsense? Was the story I’d told him something that could simply be shared because I felt like it?

“It was completely unnecessary…”

It had been utter foolishness, and now the situation we were in was horrible.

Ahyeon’s status abnormality… It was activated once more, and now what was I going to do?

Is knowing the reason all there is to it? Do you think that knowing what you f*cking did will help you find some kind of fundamental solution? Just shut up. I clamped a hand over my mouth, allowing my teeth to bite into my hand. I needed to stop with the useless time-wasting and face reality.

What do I need to do? Whatever it takes… I need to deactivate his status abnormality again. Ahyeon had been able to keep it deactivated until now because of his trait. Fortitude.

[Fortitude (A): Master your own mind. Gather your focus and repress negative thoughts.]

- Counteracts one status abnormality (one with the highest priority) when active.

This trait had been deactivated by the nonsense I’d told him, and now the status abnormality was back. I balled my hands into fists.

In the past… In the past, I had used a trait of my own in order to convince him.

“Just think to yourself, ‘I’m going to do this.’ Nothing else.”

He had accepted my reasoning and decided to focus only on the task ahead of him. Now, however, nothing I could say would convince him. I was the very person who had confused him, making him incapable of focusing on his work. He thought that I was out of my mind. There was no way it would work. My brain was blank.

What can I do? I need to persuade him somehow… Just like before… I summoned my status window on reflex, and a pop-up appeared like it had been waiting for me the entire time.

[Gunwoo…]

It was Big Moon. He didn’t say anything else. I got the impression that the window was shaking, but perhaps that was only because I was completely out of it in that moment.

But what does it matter?

I muttered under my breath, “Is it possible… to get a trait back?”

That trait that allows me to persuade anyone. There was no movement from the status window. Only after some time had passed did tiny letters appear in front of me.

[No.]

Oh. Yeah, I thought as much.

[Sorry…]

“There is nothing to be sorry about.”

Why did everyone apologize when I said something stupid?

Are they all following some kind of manual? F*ck, even with stuff like this, I…

[This isn’t your fault. It really isn’t.]

“It is.”

Nobody had forced me to say anything. This disaster had happened because there was something wrong with my mind.

I’ve lost my ability to judge the situation accurately. This was the only possible conclusion.

There was a knock at the door

“Moondae,” someone said.

I looked around and saw Chungwoo carefully entering the room.

“Ahyeon has calmed down. He’s fine.”

I said nothing.

“I know you said you wanted to be alone, but… I’m sorry. I wanted to come in.” He smiled, seeming slightly embarrassed, then he slowly sat down on his own bed.

I don’t want to hear any more apologies from anybody.

“This is your room, too. You should do what you want,” I said quietly.

“Hmm. All right.”

There was a brief silence, after which he spoke again.

“Moondae, it’s natural for people to want to share about their life experiences.”

Yeah. But really going through with it like a fool is another matter.

“This right now is just a matter of timing. Don’t worry about it too much. Okay?”

I had been the one who had chosen the timing. I didn’t need to say anything further, however, since someone else came into my room.

Big Sejin. He closed the door behind him and spoke with a tense expression on his face as soon as he took stock of the situation.

“Park Moondae. This is my fault. I’m sorry.”

I felt like throwing up now. “How is this your fault?” I asked.

“I encouraged you,” he said, without batting an eye. “I thought that he would believe you. That was my mistake. You seemed really nervous when you told me. So I thought it would be better if you relaxed this time around. The fault is mine. All you did was do as you were told.”

“No.” I massaged my temples. “I am the one who told him. So stop.”

“As I said…” Big Sejin made as if to say something more, but he soon stopped short.

I was grateful for that. My head was about to burst.

“This is nobody’s fault. Things simply happened this way. So both of you stop,” Chungwoo said, intervening.

I didn’t agree with him, but what did it matter? I couldn’t ignore what he said next, however.

“But Moondae… Why don’t we take a short break?”

What did you say?

“We’ve been going non-stop for over two weeks now. I think we can take a few days off. We could inform the agency that we’ve caught the flu, or that we are suffering from fatigue,” he said softly and carefully. “Why don’t we use that time to recenter?”

Recenter. Stop our promotions. If I had any conscience at all, and took into account Ahyeon’s condition, I had to agree. Considering the incredible difficulty of our current title track, a drop in Ahyeon’s stats would immediately be noticeable. It was obvious how people would respond to that. People would curse at us, and there would be no end to the controversies.

Taking a break is the right thing to do. If I was in my right mind, I was not supposed to demand that we continue at the moment.

But… I turned and looked at the pop-up window, which I hadn’t closed.

If I take a break… He will…

[Gunwoo, get some rest. You need to let yourself rest… Please.]

We didn’t have much time left. If I didn’t manage to set a new record during our current promotions, he would die. He would go back to being a status window. The little bastard was telling me to rest, even though he knew.

“You…”

My brain felt like it was about to explode.

F*ck. Why is there so much to think about, to deal with… This just isn’t… The word left my mouth.

“Later.”

Stop. Stop being absurd. There is no “later.” We had a shoot in the morning, and it was less than four hours away. I needed to make the right call before it was too late. I need to be efficient…

“Moondae.”

Someone grabbed my shoulder. It was Chungwoo.

“Then let’s empty our schedule for three days, at least. Three days won’t cause any problems. We’ve made plenty of content already. Okay, Park Moondae?”

I nodded. I wasn’t sure what we could do with what we had filmed so far, but I would let him have his way.

***

At the same time, however, in the living room, Kim Raebin was lost in thought while holding a cup of the hot tea Seon Ahyeon often drank.

“The only conclusion seems to be that something has happened between them…”

Cha Eugene shook his head. His dear friend was an extremely talented artist, but he was no good at matters like this one. So he was frank.

“Everyone knows that, Raebin.”

Instead of getting upset, Raebin nodded with a slightly gloomy look on his face. The situation was rather serious.

This is a complete mess. Ahyeon was acting like a sleepwalker with self-destructive tendencies, and Moondae seemed to be out of it and in a state of shock. He had not even been able to walk back to his bed. Eugene could not understand how the situation had come to this.

They had both apologized to each other, which had to mean that there were no hard feelings. At the same time, he was able to look at the situation reasonably.

Well, none of us seemed to have that many friends growing up. He had seen relationships which grew too important to the point of being problematic. These people could be so clumsy at times, even though their genuineness was their charm most of the time.

Hmm… The same goes for him. He was looking at Bae Sejin, who tottered into the living room and sat down with the look of someone who had lost a battle.

“Why am I so bad at speaking?”

It seemed that he had tried to have a gentle conversation with Ahyeon and failed. Feeling bad for him, Eugene nodded.

“Hey, I’m good at it. Let me go and speak to him.”

“W-wait.”

He had intended to go to Moondae first, to help cheer him up, but a conversation involving both consolation and advice was more of a challenge.

That is what I should be doing. He shrugged and confidently walked into Raebin and Ahyeon’s room. Nobody stopped him, which suggested that he had made the right decision.

“Hey, I’m coming in.”

He opened the door and went inside, finding Ahyeon sitting on the edge of his bed, next to a window through which moonlight was pouring. He looked stiff and pale, like he was in shock. Ahyeon seemed completely disoriented—though this condition was partially to blame on the sedatives he’d taken.

“Hey, you’re not feeling sick, right?”

Ahyeon nodded very slowly. His eyes seemed out of focus, perhaps because of the drugs.

“How are you feeling mentally?”

There was only silence in response.

Eugene sat down next to him and got right to the point. “You can’t tell me anything, right? Because it’s Moondae’s secret?”

Ahyeon turned around, finally looking a little bit more alive.

Eugene shrugged. “Everybody has secrets. I don’t need to hear it!”

It would be strange if a person did not have secrets. It was completely up to the person in question whether to share those secrets with somebody else. Sharing more secrets did not make a relationship more genuine or improve it. Knowing secrets did not mean you knew the other person better. This was what Eugene believed.

If it doesn’t happen naturally, secrets shared are only a burden. Perhaps the current situation had come about from something like that.

“Whatever it is, you heard that secret, and it caused a problem,” Eugene said in English.

Ahyeon still said nothing, but he muttered in a low voice, “I-I… I ruined everything.”

“Then fix it.”

“…!”

“Don’t think I’m just casually throwing words at you. I don’t think you are upset with Moondae,” Eugene said, continuing on in English. “So get some sleep for now, and speak with him when you have a clearer mind. It will make this matter much simpler.”

He was advising Ahyeon to relax and leave his panicked state of mind behind.

Ahyeon replied, “I-I know…” He was speaking quietly in a hoarse voice. “Th-that’s… what is wrong with me.”

“…!”

“E-every time. I know, and yet I do nothing.”

Eugene could see emotions in his eyes that were deep-rooted.

That’s… It was self-hatred and rage. Ahyeon knew. How could he not know? There was nothing he could do at the moment, and the only way to help was to shut up and go to sleep. He was unable to do this, however. He was anxious, and the fear that he’d ruined everything had taken hold of his mind. In much the same way, he had realized something as he heard Moondae’s “secret.”

No…

Moondae’s past actions, his memory loss, nightmares, his attempt to take his own life… All of these things pointed to a very serious problem.

“I’m not Moondae.”

The signs were there. The wounds on his heart had turned into a very serious identity crisis. He knew that he was the perfect person to talk about the matter with Moondae.

I need to be the one to do it.

Ryu Chungwoo and Lee Sejin had overcome their mental difficulties on their own, with little to no medical assistance. They were healthy, and if they believed him entirely, Ahyeon was the only person left who could intervene. He was the only person who could tell Moondae about the dangers. It was the only way that he could help. He had told himself so many times that he would be a good friend and companion, and yet he had failed.

No. I didn’t fail. I simply chose to do nothing. The precious relationships they had built upon trust and closeness could have come to an end if he decided to speak out. That possibility alone had scared him.

What… What if he hates me because I’m the only one who doesn’t believe him? I’ll basically be saying that there is something wrong with him. I-I can’t do that… H-he’ll be offended… All he needed to do was keep his mouth shut, and they could continue to be good friends. Ahyeon balled his hands into fists until his fingers turned pale.

I didn’t care about what he was going through. What mattered to me more was maintaining our friendship. His negligence on this point had made Moondae’s symptoms worse. If Moondae began to suffer in a major way later after they continued working, and irreparable damage was done, it would be his fault.

As he went many sleepless nights, trying to collect information without giving away that he had his doubts, he had known his own state was growing worse.

Can’t I just believe him? He did not believe Moondae, but he was so eager to justify his own actions. He knew the truth, and yet he had done nothing and ruined things.

It’s because I am a useless human being. There was no way around that fact. He was always thinking about what was the best thing and the right thing to do in any situation, but in the end, he had been able to do nothing regarding the things that were really precious to him, while also being the things that scared him the most. And, unable to keep hold of his weak mind, he had spoken to Moondae in the worst way possible, at the worst time possible.

I wasn’t even helping. All I did was hurt him. He had hurt Moondae again. He felt like crying.

You have no right to feel pain. Self-pity was a luxury. Ahyeon repressed the urge to scream. Apologizing while in tears did not mean he deserved forgiveness. Eugene bit his lip, which was not like him at all.

He looks like a monk from the Middle Ages, going through some kind of painful penance, Eugene thought. He didn’t know all the details, but the mood was enough to tell him that Ahyeon was in pain.

Eugene decided he still needed to say what he thought was necessary. Everyone needed to escape the pain they were going through using their own two feet. But there was nothing wrong with giving them a hand in taking the first step.

“Hmm. Okay. But this is slightly different,” Cha Eugene said in English, raising his hand.

“If you don’t do anything this time, Moondae will do it.”

“…!”

“You know how he is. If something happens to this group, he will try to handle it himself.”

Ahyeon looked up.

“That’s how he is. You know that, don’t you?”

Of course Ahyeon knew.

“So this isn’t simply a matter of whether you choose to do something or not. Either you act, or he will. It’s one or the other.”

Ahyeon gritted his teeth. In that case… I’ll…

***

It was early in the morning.

“Let’s go, Kongi.”

Cheongryeo was walking with his dog, who had finally returned home last night. He was taking a walk inside the complex, along a route that he had experienced no problems with so far. Nobody seemed to have seen him going on one of his walks.

Taking a walk at the time he usually did made him feel as though everything was fine again, and he welcomed the emotion. It seemed a little silly, however, to think that way about a routine that wasn’t more than a few years old.

“Hmm.”

With a faint smile on his face, he typed out a text.

[Kongi is out of the hospital]

As for a photo, he could take one now.

“Kongi, over here.”

The dog barked.

He was about to take a picture of the smiling dog when he noticed a figure sitting on a bench nearby.

“Hmm…”

It was rare for anyone to be out here at this hour, but that wasn’t the reason he was taken aback. He recognized the man.

“Moondae.”

He was wearing a hood up over his face as he sat alone on the dark bench. The black hood shifted a little, revealing a familiar face. Cheongryeo noticed how pale he was, the lack of color apparent even through the facemask he was wearing. Moondae’s voice sounded calm despite this, however.

“I have a question for you.”

This was very rare. Because Cheongryeo had acted in an equally rare manner so recently, he came to a rare decision for Moondae’s sake.

“Oh? Why don’t we head inside?”

And so Park Moondae was invited into the VTIC dorm so impulsively that no one would have seen coming just a day before.