Chapter 278

Chapter 278

TeSTAR was reallocating roommates.

Is this the fourth time? At this point, the fans were starting to see it as a piece of content that was a long-held tradition.

We usually do this with a board game. It would probably be boring if we did that same thing again, so we tried switching things up a little.

“Hello, TeSTAR!”

“Hello!”

We’d hired an expert instead. The seven of us were sitting in the office of a lab run by an organization of communication experts. The table had been set up to have a run-of-the-mill soap opera layout—with the camera’s side of the table devoid of any seats, since we were facing the cameras and the production team. We’d done this so many times, however, that it felt quite natural. I glanced at the other members, who were gazing at the expert with expectant looks on their faces.

The expert wore a gentle smile. “I heard that we were requested to help you with deciding on your new roommates. Is this correct?”

“Yes!” Bae Sejin said cheerfully, his face full of energy.

That was probably the most eager he’d sounded in the last month. I guessed he was hoping to gain a room all to himself.

I thought he said sleeping in the living room wasn’t so bad. I supposed that being in the living room because one liked it wasn’t the same thing as staying out of a room because he found its occupant unpleasant. Big Sejin shot a wry glance toward Bae Sejin, but as we were filming, the look was gone in less than a second.

The head of the lab appeared from behind the expert speaking to us, looking around at the smiling members. “At our Communications and Relations Lab, we study people’s personalities and living habits and input them into an algorithm…”

To skip through the product placement, he said the following: “Through behavioral analysis and interviews, we will find you the best-suited roommates and match you with them.”

“Yay!”

This time, they were taking a scientific approach.

Sounds pretty legit. Frankly, I had a feeling this was just a venture firm copying an already existing business model and sugar-coating things, but I couldn’t deny it sounded pretty cool.

The fans will be amused. The analyses offered here, combined with clips of our usual living habits and the like, would make it easy for them to characterize each of us.

It worked just like the MBTI test—a sense of connection that came from sharing common traits, and enhanced characterizations that came from differing ones. Big Sejin made a fuss, perhaps trying to add more excitement to the atmosphere.

“Gosh, I’m so excited right now.”

I get it. No need to shake my shoulder.

“Let’s start with a group activity, then, shall we?”

“Wow!”

The head of the lab soon vanished, leaving only the expert with us for a group interview.

We already finished our individual interviews before filming the opening. This was the main attraction. I checked out the first question.

[Here we have a farmer that raises ducks and cows. One winter, he decides he will only raise one kind of farm animal from now on.]

[What farm animal did he choose?]

“You may answer however you like.”

“…?”

I had a feeling I’d seen similar questions on the internet, categorized as an IQ test. It was, at best, the sort of question that required creative thinking, often used in job interviews.

I thought this was supposed to be professional. The personal interviews had seemed that way, but this appeared to be more for the camera than anything else.

Not that it matters. The content was all that mattered right now. I waited for my turn, listening to the others talk.

“I think it would be ducks. They’re easier to care for, aren’t they? If it’s winter, they can even be brought indoors if necessary!” Big Sejin said.

“You’re right. But won’t they be unmanageable if there are many of them?”

“I know! There are more foods that can be made with beef! It’s cows! Go with cows!” Eugene said.

The members all seemed pretty eager to answer.

I raised my hand, looking at the expert. “Does this question have a set answer?”

“No. You can apply your imagination and thinking skills in any way you like!”

“Wow!”

This seemed to be a catalyst of sorts, since the members all began talking a little more.

“Hmm… It’s winter, so… Oh! Maybe they could make duck down bedding or something…?” Ahyeon said.

“That’s it! Smart, Ahyeon” Big Sejin said.

“That’s a pretty good idea,” Chungwoo said.

I realized that half of them were actually excited about this, while the other half were just trying to make sure the content turned out well. The latter seemed to have understood the drawback of this format.

It’s pretty dull. There were no best answers, and we were just brainstorming randomly at this point. How was this going to make for attractive content?

“Chicken,” I said.

“Huh?”

“They didn’t tell us to only choose between ducks and cows, so I chose the most economically viable animal.”

“Whoa.”

“Moondae, you’re pretty smart!”

We were all saying the appropriate things, but I didn’t get the feeling that the flow was all that interesting, since the expert closed off with, “Thank you for your opinions. They were all good.”

“Hehe.”

“No. Thank you!”

There was no conclusion. If they were going to ask simple, non-professional questions here, it would have been more enjoyable to watch if they’d designated types to each of us, at the very least. There were plenty of personality tests out there these days, ranging from TV show character tests to tree tests.

[You’re the “unchanging evergreen” type!]

This was a good example.

There’s not even a time limit here. There was no easy stimulus, which meant this was boring content. I glanced at the production team, some of whom had been around when we did our hotteok-making variety show.

Have they fallen into a creative rut? I think you brought in the wrong people, guys.

“Next question.”

Thankfully, after a few more similar questions, they did an interim review of sorts.

“Now, I’ve taken a look at the way you have answered these questions,” the expert said, picking up the paper and speaking eloquently. “First of all, there’s Seon Ahyeon! You think deeply before making a decision. It takes you longer than the others to come up with an answer.”

“Right…”

“And that’s not a drawback. I think it’s because you try to be considerate of those around you, while also formulating your own opinions. I think you’ll make a wise leader one day.”

“Uh… Thank you!”

“Wow!”

Ahyeon flushed, ducking his head. The others clapped.

“And Bae Sejin.”

“Yes?!” Bae Sejin, who’d been smiling gently at Ahyeon, nearly jumped.

“You’re very clear about what you like and don’t like, and you seek to do your best even in strange or inconvenient environments.”

“Uh…”

It was Bae Sejin’s turn to flush red.

“You were very eager, in particular with the question about who had the key…”

We were each given a very positive review of the way we’d behaved. After the two youngest members and Big Sejin, who was next to me, it was Chungwoo’s turn.

“Ryu Chungwoo, you like to take the back seat and back up other people’s opinions. I think that might be because your role is the leader of the group.”

“Hmm. I think you might be right,” Chungwoo said with a grin, responding politely.

I knew he’d react like this, since he wasn’t all that interested in this sort of thing.

I was last. The expert locked eyes with me.

“Park Moondae, you have a very broad view of things. People often say you see the big picture, don’t they?”

“Hahaha! That’s right! You hit the nail on the head,” Big Sejin said.

“Moondae is like that, yeah!” Raebin said.

A few of them responded eagerly, like they’d been easily hoodwinked by some smooth-tongued swindler. One of them, in particular, seemed to really trust the expert.

I’ll have to talk Raebin out of it if he ever gets it into his head to… start a business. Regardless of how I felt, the expert finished on a positive note, as usual.

“You’re always coming up with unconventional ideas, like an idea bank that is crucial to the group.”

“Thank you.”

The expert was pretty persuasive. He didn’t touch on useless emotional points and was soft-spoken, which was nice. I had a feeling that his analyses were based on data that had been given to him in advance, instead of just the questions we’d answered.

It’s still pretty boring, though. There was no professional lingo or real analysis going on—it was just talk. There was nothing here that was actually interesting.

I was just kidding earlier, but I think using internet personality tests might have been more fun. Doing so would have felt stupid but fun, at least. I stared at the man with some disappointment.

“Let’s move on to the next— Ah, actually, let’s take a short break first.”

“Yes!”

The expert cut things short following a gesture from the production team, and everyone relaxed, including me.

“Phew.”

This could be better. It was too weak. I tried to predict the success of this content, then shrugged.

Whatever. We’d already started filming, and worrying about this now would accomplish nothing. I’d focus on being in the moment for now.

“That was pretty exciting. I think I’ve gained a deeper understanding of the type of person I am,” Raebin said.

“I need an explanation! ‘Strong tenets of mind…’ What does that mean?” Cha Eugene asked.

Two of the members seemed genuinely excited, so the fans would be pleased with that, at least. Their enthusiasm was welcome as far as fan service was concerned.

“One moment…”

The production team stood up quietly and moved away during the break, leaving only a cameraman and a few others.

“Huh?”

“They’re going to see the head of the lab,” Chungwoo explained succinctly, as the one sitting closest to the production team.

I see. I guess the production team can see this is shaping up to be pretty lackluster as well.

The expert who’d been standing in front of us smiled, got up, and headed out into the corridor. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to use the restroom.”

“Yes!”

Suddenly, the room felt a lot less packed.

“Yes, all right…”

At that moment, the expert suddenly clutched at the back of his head and stumbled back a few steps. Then he fell to the floor with a loud thud, his white gown getting partly stuck in the door.

“…?”

“Uh, sir?”

“Huh?”

Was he having a heart attack? I tried to go to him with the others, but a steel door suddenly dropped out of nowhere from right above the door in question.

“What the?”

Suddenly, we had no way out.

What the actual f*ck?

That wasn’t all. The large door that the production team had used earlier was also now blocked by a steel cover, which fell with a loud bang.

“What is this?”

Was it a fire? A terrorist attack? I tried to check the windows, but they were also covered. The lighting changed. Red and green lights in each corner flashed rapidly, and sirens began going off.

“This way, guys!” Chungwoo said.

The members quickly moved away from the walls, gathering up.

Is this an emergency? I need to get my phone—

“Hey! Look!” Bae Sejin said.

I turned around. The huge screen where the questions had been displayed earlier was now showing something else.

“The hell?”

[!AREA CLEARED!]

[QUARANTINE IN EFFECT]

Behind the red letters, there were a bunch of smaller screens that looked to be security camera footage. People were falling to the ground, and doors were slamming shut all over the building.

Those who had collapsed to the ground were slowly getting up and starting to stumble around unsteadily.

[There has been a zombie virus leak in the lab]

[Detonation in 02:00:00]

Wait, what? We gaped silently for a long moment, at a loss for what to think.

[01:59:57]

Then the countdown began. The members stared at each other, their gazes wavering uncertainly. All of us seemed seconds from demanding to know what was going on.

Moments later, we spotted a few people hiding in the corner of the room. It was… the production team, stifling laughter.

“Excuse me.”

“Don’t tell me…”

“Where’s the camera director? What’s going on here?”

The two or three members of the production team refused to leave their spot in the corner or explain, however. They all had broad grins plastered on their faces. Only then did the members start to realize what was really happening.

“Ugh!”

“Not again!”

This entire situation was fake. The production team gritted their teeth, determined not to ruin the audio by laughing audibly.

Bae Sejin pointed fiercely at the screen. “Zombies?”

I get it. Bringing my hands to my head, I smiled wryly. They’re trying to figure out our personalities by seeing how we react to unforeseen circumstances. I was wondering why the facility seemed so grand.

They’d included unrealistic elements like zombies as well, craftily avoiding possibly triggering any of the PTSD of a real-life emergency situation. It also made things more interesting.

This is pretty f*cking new. The boring group interview had only been a precursor to this.

I didn’t even suspect it. I took back what I’d thought about this being uninteresting. It was clear why the production team had decided to hire these people. I was finally starting to understand.

“Wait, wait! There’s a door back here!”

“What?”

“A door?”

Eugene seemed to have located something behind the production team.

“Excuse me. Oh, come on, help us out here. Just step out of the way for a second,” Big Sejin said, causing the female writer to move aside. He touched one corner of the wall.

“Hup!”

His right hand pried away a rectangular metal cover. Doing so revealed a sizable air vent, lit with a bright red lamp.

“Whoa.”

“Just what you’d expect.”

“Do you think we should go through here?”

“I would assume so.”

The others were already immersed in the situation and were quickly exchanging opinions.

Hmm. I now was assured the content would turn out interesting. However, they’d given us limited time to react. This was meant to be about how we reacted to an emergency, after all.

[1:56:23]

Four minutes had already passed. It would be pretty disappointing if TeSTAR didn’t manage to escape.

It’s best if we make a clean exit without forcing them to relax the restrictions to make it easier for us. What the expert had said to me earlier suddenly came to mind.

“People like to say you see the big picture, don’t they?”

He’s right. I do have a fixation on the more holistic view. I grinned and shook my hands about.

“Let’s go.”

We need to make this look good for the cameras. This roommate content would be one worth remembering.