Chapter 259

Chapter 259

Our practice session that night ended quickly, as planned. I returned to the dorm and ruminated over the conversation I’d had with Big Sejin while I showered. His perspective was simple.

Ahyeon’s pride will be hurt… He wouldn’t want his friend to notice that he was being bullied.

“Hmm.”

I couldn’t deny that it was a perspective I hadn’t taken into account. Ahyeon had been pretty submissive from the first time I met him on Idol Incorporated, and perhaps for that reason, I seldom thought of him as someone who was the same age as me.

And frankly, he’s only the same age physically. If one were to be conscientious, it would be a stretch to say we were the same age. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever worked in an office, but I retained all my memories from my twenty-nine years of life. And even if we were the same age, this problem was an ambiguous one.

I’m not sure Ahyeon cares about that sort of thing. Unlike the other members, he was so nice to the point he sometimes came off as a little foolish. He would probably be grateful for my concern. However, there was one thing I was willing to admit.

I can’t solve all his problems for him all the time. Even if it were for the good of the group, I’d told him what to do too many times in the past, whenever he faced some kind of issue. Maybe it was time for him to learn to handle things on his own.

“He’s tenacious, if nothing else.”

I shrugged. He hadn’t seemed particularly gloomy except for that brief moment during the awards ceremony, so I would leave him be for now. I’d just investigate a little to make sure that he wasn’t struggling.

Finished with my shower and drying off, I headed to the fridge. Milk probably wasn’t a good choice at night, since I was focused on losing weight. I wanted some iced water.

Ahyeon wasn’t in our room.

He’s probably in the living room. I heard the voices before I turned a corner in the hallway

“S-so… what would you think if… someone seems to be complimenting you because they don’t like you?” Ahyeon asked.

“Compliment me when they don’t like me?” Eugene asked.

“Y-yes. Something like that.”

I heard Eugene respond without any hesitation. “Why would they do that?”

“I-I don’t know… Perhaps because they can’t be openly mean?”

“Oh. Okay, okay,” Eugene said cheerfully. “I’d just tell them that I know! I know I’m good!”

“Y-yeah?”

“Yes! Compliments are good!”

It was a unique way of handling it—he was saying he’d accept a compliment as a compliment, regardless of what the other person actually meant. I didn’t think it would work for Ahyeon, though.

Why is he asking Eugene, of all people, for advice? It was an odd thing to do. I wondered if I should wait until the conversation was over but entered the kitchen when it occurred to me that would be pretty silly.

Ahyeon shot to his feet when our eyes met.

“M-Moondae, you want water?”

“Yeah,” I said.

“Here!” He handed me a cup.

“Thanks…”

I’m supposed to believe this guy would feel offended because I offered help? I still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was the easy-going, compliant type.

But thanks for the water anyway. I drank my water, waiting for him to continue his conversation with Eugene. It didn’t happen, however.

Ahyeon seemed flustered as he asked me, “Wh-why?”

Oh. Was I staring too obviously?

“Uh, it’s nothing. I was just trying to remember if tomorrow’s practice is at seven.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s seven!”

“Yeah. Thanks,” I said wryly.

He didn’t seem particularly out of sorts, though he did seem more worked up than usual.

“Nice!”

Big Sejin appeared from the living room and thumped me on the back with a grin as he walked past. I got the feeling that the bastard was making fun of me, for some reason.

Oh, f*ck it. Whatever. Everyone can handle their own problems. There was too much to be done to prepare for the comeback. I was going to just focus on my own work.

“Seven’s too early…” Eugene said.

“Go to bed already,” I said.

I went to my room, checked what people were saying about us online, and watched how our performance came out in the broadcast before lying down in bed to go to sleep. Ahyeon didn’t come into our shared room until pretty late. He was putting in a hell of a lot of effort not to make any noise.

He’s practically crawling. I wondered if I should just tell him that I wasn’t asleep, but that would have probably scared him.

The next day, after our morning practice was over, Ahyeon left on his own around lunchtime to practice for the collab performance. They would be gathering a lot more over the next couple of weeks, meeting briefly every two or three days to rehearse together.

“Are you sure? I think you should eat before you go.”

“I-I can eat after I get back! It won’t take long.”

“Hmm. If you say so.”

“One moment,” I said.

I tossed Ahyeon a glucose candy. I’d consulted with our trainer, who’d told us we could take these during emergencies. It would probably be fine to share them.

“Th-thanks…”

“Have a good one.”

“Have a great time, Ahyeon!” Big Sejin said.

“Hope you have a great practice session!” Raebin said.

Ahyeon hurriedly pocketed the candy, bowed, and went out the door.

I hope he doesn’t come back crying or anything.

“Moondae! I want candy, too!” Eugene said.

“Here,” I said.

“Yay!”

I passed out all the remaining candy and crossed my arms.

Maybe I really should look into it myself…

Big Sejin suddenly fanned his face for no reason. “All that practice is making us sweat! How about some ice cream? They have some down at that shop that sells healthy food!”

“Sounds good!”

“Oh, that place. The ice cream there is probably all right, because it doesn’t have too many calories.”

“Okay! I’ll go with Moondae and get some after we do one more run-through of this!” Big Sejin said.

“…?”

Why me? I followed him out anyway, since I could only assume he was up to something. He burst out laughing as soon as we had passed through the door.

“Hey, Moondae! Are you that bothered by it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Did you know that you’ve been watching Ahyeon all day? I think it’d be less unnatural to just talk to him!”

I was just studying his face so that I could compare it before and after his collab practice, you bastard.

Big Sejin grinned at me, however. “My goodness, Moondae! What are we going to do with you? You aren’t happy unless you’ve got absolutely every variable under your control, huh?”

“Be quiet,” I said.

“Just limit that amazing ability of yours to the album work, please, oh talented Moondae! Oh, and you can pick the ice cream for me, too, since you like meddling so much— Oof!”

“Where do you think you’re going?”

I raced after him as he tried to get away, and the other members were puzzled at the lightning-quick speed of the ice cream delivery. I sat on the floor of the practice room, thinking for a moment.

Am I really that addicted to control? No. This is about survival. I’d started keeping an eye on problems in the group so they wouldn’t become problems for me, since it reflected directly on my odds of survival. It was a biological instinct, of sorts.

And it’s not even as bad as it used to be. I wouldn’t die if I lost the status window, so the daesang was just a goal accompanied by a large risk, nothing more.

I’m not going to waste my time on anything unnecessary. I sucked on an ice cream pop and then turned my focus toward the afternoon practice.

My focus was soon disrupted again, however, when Ahyeon returned with a troubled expression.

“I-I’m back.”

I don’t think things went well for him…

***

Ahyeon quickly perked up again and joined in practice, but the other members were starting to notice something was wrong, too.

“Did something happen during practice?”

“I guess it’s more complicated than expected,” Raebin suggested.

There was no sign that Ahyeon was struggling, however. This was probably no big deal. As a result, the topic of conversation was shelved while Ahyeon quickly got his ice cream. When it came to issues like this, it was usually enough to ask once in passing during a break. That duty usually fell to the troubled member’s roommate or the leader… and I happened to be the roommate.

I guess I should ask him just to be nice. It turned out that I didn’t really need to speak to him at all. I was sitting in my room after practice, reviewing the footage I’d taken earlier of me dancing. Ahyeon brought it up first.

“Uh, M-Moondae… Can I ask you something?”

“Sure. What is it?”

Could it be? I was right, as it turned out.

“M-Moondae… I-if you have to work with some people temporarily, and they’re difficult to be around… h-how do you cope?”

This was a direct request for advice.

“That depends on the situation. What do you mean by difficult to be around? Are they your superiors?”

“N-no. They’re not. Th-they… they’re intentionally being obvious that they’re being fake with me.”

Just as I expected.

“Well, in that case, you can treat them sarcastically, too, or downright ignore them—while being polite, of course. They’ll want to get on your good side once you become even more successful.”

“I-I see.”

It suddenly hit me, F*ck, that felt good. It seemed I really was a control freak.

Sh*t. Feeling disconcerted to learn that Big Sejin had been right, I turned my attention back to Ahyeon. I needed to figure out more details about the situation. Ahyeon, however… seemed a little embarrassed.

Actually… really embarrassed.

“S-sorry. It’s like I’m the only one who can’t manage on his own… I-I keep needing help.”

“…?”

“Th-the other members are doing fine… Th-there must be something wrong with me. The therapy… and personal practice… isn’t helping.”

Why are you going in that direction?

“You’re fine. Why are you saying that?”

“I-i-it happens every time I work with people my own age… I’ve always been like this…” He seemed pretty confused. In fact, he forgot that he’d spoken as though he was asking for a third party.

“Always? Since when?” I asked.

“Middle school… Wh-when I was doing ballet,” Ahyeon said tersely after a pause. His voice was shaky. “I… hurt my ankle. E-everyone seemed so happy…”

I felt goosebumps rising on my arms.

“Th-they weren’t bad kids… I-I guess kids my age h-hated me even then…”

I stood up. “First of all, I haven’t ever seen any of the members say that about you.”

“Th-they’re all nice guys…”

“You’re the nicest guy among us. And your middle school was an art-specialized middle school, right?”

“Huh? Y-yeah.”

“You had top grades, didn’t you?”

“Uh… A f-few times…”

If Ahyeon was admitting that much, it meant he’d always had top grades. I crossed my arms. Ahyeon’s parents had seemed a little posh, and a professional therapist probably wouldn’t say what I was about to. I decided to go for it.

“Listen, Ahyeon. Everything you’ve been through so far was because of a bunch of envious little bastards.”

“H-huh?”

“You’re handsome, but you’re also a damn good dancer. It upsets them. You get it?”

“B-but… O-okay.” Ahyeon seemed only to be nodding because he didn’t know what to say.

Good.

“So look into the mirror every day and shout ten times that you’re a badass. Ignore the jealous idiots, all right?”

“I-I only did that early on in therapy…”

“Well, start doing it again.”

Ahyeon was obviously embarrassed but for a different reason this time. He soon nodded, though it seemingly cost him effort. Then something about what he’d said caught my attention.

“Wait, so the reason you changed majors…”

Did you go from ballet to modern dance because the other kids were bullying you?

Ahyeon quickly shook his head. “N-no! M-my physique… wasn’t suited to ballet.”

“Your physique?”

“Yes. I-It’s best if the tops of your feet are… round for ballet. M-my feet aren’t like that… And I have small hips. So they suggested a path better suited for me.”

I thought I understood what this meant. Ahyeon was talented at dancing, but given his physique, a field other than ballet was more advantageous if he wanted to become the best in class. That was why his major had been changed before he started preparing for college properly. He’d ended up in the idol industry in the end, however, but he was popular and making good money. This was a positive outcome.

“And you’re making good use of what you learned from modern dance, so that’s perfect.”

“I-I know, right?” he said with a grin. But his face soon fell. He hung his head. “A-actually… There was talk of modern dance today.”

“During the collab practice?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded. Sounding a little put out, he said, “Th-they said the moves were too difficult. That I would be the only one being filmed by the camera. They said they envied me and wanted to congratulate me.”

Like the experienced constituents of capitalist society they were, they were extremely good at making insults sound harmless.

“And you didn’t know what to say?”

“W-well, I did say something…” He blushed. “I-I’m not sure if I said the right thing. I told them, ‘Thanks for the compliment. I’ll do my best…’”

I stared.

“E-Eugene said I could just take it as a compliment… D-do you think so, too? Nobody said anything.”

Struggling not to show any amusement, I said, “Sure. You did well.”

Perhaps, surprisingly, Ahyeon was the type of person who was able to innocently return an insult without knowing what he was doing. Big Sejin had been right again. I didn’t really have to worry about him.

Though, our earlier conversation was still worth having.

“Keep on doing that. That was great,” I said.

“Y-yeah!”

Ahyeon visibly brightened, and I was forced to admit defeat.

I should just focus on the album…

Two weeks later, on December 31, MBS’s music show, which would mark the final day of the year, was about to air. The first stage a TeSTAR member appeared in was Ahyeon’s collab stage.